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🌿 Wilting of the Ivy

🌿 Wilting of the Ivy
Photo by Tim Alex / Unsplash

Turns out even the most elite need pruning sometimes.

Welcome to Wilting of the Ivy, a cheeky little detour off the Collegiate Deathpool highway, where we shine our data-loving flashlight into the marble hallways of the Ivy League. Yes, that Ivy League.

You might think these eight hallowed institutions are untouchable. Untouchable like your friend's toddler covered in jam. But data—unlike prestige—doesn’t care about legacy admissions or secret societies.

So we asked the question no one dared to ask (mostly because they were too polite or too tenured):

What happens when you rank the Ivy League against itself… using the same brutal metrics we use on everyone else?

The results? Let’s just say not everyone gets summa cum anything.

🗺️ Map Features:

  • Each Ivy has been sorted into a delightfully judgmental academic category like “Summa Cum Ivy” or “Waitlisted.”
  • We even included Columbia and UPenn—though no data was available, so they’ve been politely purpled and placed under “Data Not Available” (which honestly sounds like an Ivy spin-off band).
  • Hover over each school to see their 2028 endowment forecasts, instructional spending, and survivability metrics. Or just zoom in and enjoy the pin party.

🎯 Methodology:

Same ruthless formula used on over 1,000 private universities. Only this time, it’s turned inward on the ivory tower. No special treatment. No tweed-blazer exemptions.

  • Financials based on our adjusted CFI (aCFI)
  • Market saturation and academic efficiency folded in
  • Forecasted values projected to 2028, because… well, the cliff is coming
"But Harvard has a $50 billion endowment!"
Yes. And that's why they’re still in the top tier. But some others? Let's just say... there are cracks in the ivy-covered walls.

🧭 Explore the Map:

👉 Click here to see the full map
(Or scroll down to the embedded view below if you prefer your reality check with less clicking.)

Let me know if you'd like a printable PDF version for your Ivy League friends to frame and gently weep into. Or if you're from Yale and just want to argue, you can email me.

– Jim Long, PhD
Chair of Business Division, Survivability Analyst, Occasional Trouble-Maker